My wife and I won a trip to Costa Rica. So, I didn't make it to a bar over these last two week. That doesn't mean that I don't have anything to write and definitely doesn't mean that I won't be able to knock off the next 30 bars before July 1st. Sadly, I won't be able to finish up all the bars before the world ends in a couple weeks. Today you'll read about the excitement of a prefab resort pool bar. Also, our newest contest begins now!
The One Health Organization had a large raffle earlier this year. They send teams of veterinarians out to teach about various issues to owners and provide animal health care to help keep both owner and pet healthy. One of the prizes was free airfare and hotel stay in Costa Rica's Central Pacific region. The weather was always about 75 degrees and they had as many iguanas as Lakewood has squirrels. You probably don't want to hear about my vacation. But I did want to bring up the topic of the resort bar and more so the ones that are attached to a pool.
The resort bar's job is to keep everyone around it at a level of drunk so that they can't tell if they are sweating water or alcohol. This allows for two optimal conditions. One, they get the maximum amount of tip. Two, all the guys are at the maximum level of dude. The dudes are the male equivalent of a woo girl. They will only talk about these topics: women, alcohol, sports, their job, doing dumb things and stories about combinations and only them. You are probably thinking that I'm simply describing guys. But, what you have to add in extra enthusiasm and the ability to act as though they are friends with all the guys that they are around at the time. If you add a proper amount of alcohol this dudeness spreads till all the guys are buddies and everything they all say seems great (to them.) Now, that all the guys are getting along the maximum level tips gets to continue. The mixture of sun, swimming pool and swimming suits keeps everyone distracted and subdued enough not to switch to drunken brawls. They also must change their drinks to something colorful quite possibly with an umbrella.
The beer selection is always a mixture of American beers, Heineken and a couple local beers that seem exotic but tastes American. I went with Costa Rica's own Imperial. It was basically an old man beer...yeah that's it.
I mainly avoided sitting by the pool bar because when you put a bunch of liquids in a bunch of drunk guys and stick them in a pool they will eventually remark how warm the water is. The dude story we heard from the bartender while I was there was about marlin fishing. A group of guys rented a boat and went out in search of a large fish with big point on his face. All was going well. They were happily drunk and cheering each other on for whatever they could get on a hook. Then it hit and angry marlin with a taste for human flesh. They fought back and forth neither showing weakness until the fish changed the game and swam under the boat. As they ran around the boat trying to see where it went, the whole boat suddenly shook. The guys jumped frantically to the edges as the marlin forced as much of his nose as he could through bottom of the boat. The boat then sank. The story was doubtfully true and every time it is told you have to add something. The group of dudes at the bar did decide that they should go marlin fishing as well.
So in conclusion drinking is better when you aren't wearing a shirt and don't stick your head under the water near the pool bar.
Blog readers the time has come. You need to have a beer at every bar in Lakewood! In general if you send me a picture of yourself drinking a beer in front of every bar in Lakewood before anyone else does I'll give you a $100 to spend at the bar of your choosing. Specifically, if you take a picture of yourself wearing our shirt or logo holding a beer (or beverage you drink because you don't like beer) in front of the bar (the furniture not the building) and post it to our Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/EveryBarInLakewood or tweet me on Twitter EveryBarLKWD or email me at email@example.com from every bar in Lakewood (on the list found on the website) before anyone else does then you can win a $100 gift card/certificate/tab from any bar in Lakewood!
Fine Print: You must drink your beer (or beverage), I have spies. If you are found cheating then you don't win and anyone can be called a cheater without me giving a reason or proof. Someone will win! You don't have to drink a beer at Sullivans to win because breaking and entering while intoxicated is frowned upon in Lakewood. Pictures of you from previous versions/owners of a bar don't count. New rules may be edited into this over the next month, so let me know if there's any part of this you don't like or any changes I make that you find unfair. Purchase is not necessary. You must be a legal resident of the United States of America. My wife has extensive experience with graphic design and will know if you edit your picture. Editing your picture is cheating. My wife and I can't win this contest. If a bar is added to the list before you finish the contest you must take a picture there too. You may skip one bar if you have a good enough reason (as determined by me.) You must be over 21 years old to be eligible. End of fine print.